Football has a lot of rituals, but few of them are as strange as the handshake between managers at full time. Two people who have spent ninety minutes trying to beat each other, who have just been through every emotion the game can produce, are asked to look each other in the eye and be polite. Most of the time it works. On Tuesday night at Kenilworth Road, it did not.
The final whistle had barely gone when Luton boss Jack Wilshere and Barnsley manager Daniel Stendel were at the centre of a row that sent both benches running in. I have thought about it all morning, and I think it is a good moment to ask a question that football rarely does. Why do we force people to do this?
What Happened
Luton had just beaten Barnsley 2-1 in League One. Mads Juel Andersen opened the scoring, Nahki Wells doubled the lead, and Makenzie Kirk pulled one back for the visitors. It was Barnsley’s sixth defeat of the season.
At full time, the two managers shook hands. Wilshere pulled his hand away from Stendel’s, pointed a finger at him and then shoved him. Words were exchanged, and players and staff from both benches ran across to separate them.
It took a while to calm down. Once it did, Wilshere and his players went to applaud the fans, and the night carried on. By the time they spoke to the press, both managers were keen to play it down.
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Two Managers Under Pressure
To understand how it got there, it helps to know where each man was. Barnsley came into the game 21st in the table, in the relegation zone, and without a league win since early September. They had gone eight games without a win, including seven defeats. Stendel, who led the club to promotion to the Championship in his first spell, was in the first months of his return to Oakwell, and it had not gone well.
Luton were not in much better shape. They were 16th, three points above Barnsley, and were still trying to shake off a slow start to their second season in League One. Wilshere had taken over the club in October 2025, in his first senior managerial job. His first season was a success. Luton won six of their last seven league games, finished a point outside the play-offs, and he lifted the Vertu Trophy at Wembley with a 3-1 win over Stockport.
So you had two managers who needed a win, one who got it and one who did not, and every emotion in the ground running high. Under those conditions, a forced handshake is a recipe for trouble.
The Wilshere Temper
I want to be fair to Wilshere, because I think he is an interesting manager. He is 34, he was one of the most gifted young English midfielders of his generation, and he has worked hard to build a coaching career. He guided Arsenal’s under-18s to the FA Youth Cup in 2023, spent time in the Norwich set-up, and has won over a lot of Luton fans with the way he has rebuilt the team.
But he has also shown flashes of temper. Earlier in his time at Luton, he was filmed being pulled away from supporters by those around him after reacting to boos at full time against Burton. Passion is no bad thing in a manager. Fans like a boss who cares, and I would rather see a man who wants to win than one who shrugs off a defeat.
The difficulty comes when passion becomes a shove. A manager is a public figure, and everything he does is watched by the players, the supporters and the children in the stands. The line is easy to draw, and in my view the shove is on the wrong side of it.
The Tuchel and Conte Comparison
Fans were quick to compare it to the famous row between Thomas Tuchel and Antonio Conte at Stamford Bridge in August 2022, after Chelsea’s 2-2 draw with Tottenham. That handshake turned into a tug-of-war, a long argument and red cards for both managers.
Social media was ruthless. One fan joked that it was the Temu version of Tuchel and Conte, and another said it was not quite the Premier League but to each their own. I laughed, and I think the comparison is fair as far as it goes. Both incidents began with a handshake that neither man wanted, and ended with a lot of finger-pointing.
The difference is the stage. In the Premier League, a spat like that is on television all weekend. In League One, it is a clip that spreads through the evening, and the managers carry on.
Why the Final Handshake Causes Trouble
I have always liked the ritual of the handshake. It is a small act of respect, and when it works, it reminds you that football is a contest between people who share a profession. But it also puts two exhausted, emotional people in the same place at the worst possible moment.
Think about what has just happened. One of them has won, and is full of adrenaline. The other has lost, and feels every decision that went against him. Both have spent ninety minutes shouting at the touchline. Then someone expects them to turn, smile and congratulate each other.
Most managers cope with it. They shake hands, say something polite and move on. But every season, there is a moment where it goes wrong, and I think that is a sign that the tradition is under strain. A handshake means nothing if it is forced, and it can do real damage if it sparks a brawl.
What the Rules Say
Managers are bound by the same conduct rules as players, and the FA has taken action against staff for behaviour on the touchline before. Reading’s head of sports science, Josh Bowen, was given a two-match touchline ban and a £500 fine under Rule E3.1 for his conduct in the abandoned League One game against Port Vale in January 2024.
I have not seen anything in the reports I found to say the FA has acted on this. But a shove between two managers, followed by a melee, is exactly the sort of thing the governing body looks at. Whether anything comes of it will depend on what the referee included in his report.
How They Handled It
It is only fair to say that both men did a decent job of defusing it. Wilshere told the press that it had got a bit heated, that both teams wanted to win, and that he had a lot of respect for what Barnsley were trying to do. He added that you shake hands at the end and everyone moves on.
Stendel called it a misunderstanding. He said he had tried to speak to Wilshere after the game, and that he did not think it was a big deal.
That is the right response, and I give them both credit for it. A public row followed by a mature explanation is far better than a feud. But I would also say that words do not erase what happened. A shove at full time is a shove, and a young coach watching it learns what is acceptable.
The Melee
The part that worries me most is the one that gets the least attention. When the managers argued, both benches ran in. That is where a heated moment can turn into something more serious, because a crowd of tired, angry people and a few shoves can quickly become an injury.
Football has learned to be careful about that. Stewards, officials and players are all trained to get involved when a scuffle starts. That is what happened on Tuesday, and it ended without any harm. But it is a reminder that the biggest risk of a handshake row is not the two men at the centre, but everyone who rushes to help them.
My Verdict
I do not think this was a disaster. Two managers had a row, both said they had moved on, and the match report was mostly about the result. In a few weeks, it will be forgotten.
But I do think it deserves more thought than the usual shrug. If a handshake is going to cause this much trouble, then maybe the answer is to make it optional, or at least to stop treating it as a test of character. We would not ask two boxers to hug after a bout and expect it to go smoothly every time.
As for Wilshere, I like him, and I think he will be a good manager. But he has a reputation to build, and shoving an opposing manager is not the way to do it. If he can turn that fire into something more controlled, he could be very good indeed.
